Witchy Kitchen

Author: Carrie Hartzell

  • Sparkling Pig’s Blood Punch

    Sparkling Pig’s Blood Punch

    I’m sure many of us have bittersweet memories of prom, and in such a tumultuous year, it’s a shame that most teens won’t get to experience it this time around. Whether a fairytale romantic evening, a night of awkward dancing and cheesy photos, or even a fiery hellscape – it almost always turns out to be a night to remember.

    1976’s Carrie, adapted from the novel by Stephen King, and directed by Brian De Palma, culminates in one of the most iconic proms of all time. The film deftly captures the teenage experience, from angst and cruelty to surprising moments of kindness. Sissy Spacek’s performance as Carrie is painful and delicate, as she moves from artless innocence to wounded, lashing rage.

    Poor Carrie is a naïve girl, relentlessly bullied at school, and with a home life shadowed by an abusive and psychotically religious mother. Her world is small and dark. And yet, somehow, through pity and benevolence, her prom night begins as a sparkling fairytale. The theme is delightfully cheesy, A Night Among the Stars, and she’s surrounded by glittery decorations and smiling faces. This is what makes the outcome so heartbreaking. She finally has what she always wanted – friends, a veritable Prince Charming, and she’s beautiful, shining, and adored. But we know how this story ends; without going into detail, it’s a blood-drenched fiery nightmare.

    ….on to the recipe! Prom is going to have some snacks, cheese and crackers, fruit, various sundries, but then there is the ubiquitous punch. It’s in every teen movie, for the gentlemen to fetch for their dates, for the kind teacher to chaperone over, for the troublemakers to spike. This particular punch is peach juice based. No fruit is more sweet or innocent than a peach. Though Carrie’s wicked, crazed mother snaps “Red. I might have known it would be red,” her lovely prom dress is clearly pale pink. With that, and her angelic face and long golden hair, Carrie is a vision of peaches and cream.

    When Carrie arrives at the prom, she’s surrounded by bubbly friends and dazzling prom decorations. So next we’re adding sparkling orange juice, and a secret ingredient – edible glitter! The peach juice is little heavy and sweet, so the sparkling orange juice lightens and brightens it up, and the glitter is that extra starlight twinkle. But then the tragic twist. We’re adding pomegranate juice (which if you’ve been following these horror recipes for any amount of time, you’ll know is my favorite stand in for blood), which adds a pleasant tang and a striking color, and balances the sweet flavors nicely. I told you prom was bittersweet.

    Sparkling Pig’s Blood Punch

    • 3 cups (24 ounces) peach juice
    • 1 cup (8 ounces) pomegranate juice
    • 2 cups (16 ounces) orange soda (such as Izze)
    • 1 teaspoon edible glitter

    Simply mix all ingredients and chill! This recipe can easily be multiplied if you are making it for a party or crowd. If you have a punch bowl, even better. You can also freeze the juice into ice cubes that will keep the punch cool without diluting it.

    First published on Nightmare on Film Street.

  • Edamame and Sugar Snap Pea “Pod Salad”

    Picture this: widespread paranoia, then outright panic. You can try to hole yourself away inside, but if you do venture out you’re never sure who’s safe and who’s not. In your city, in your neighborhood, even within your own home you could be at risk. The situation is snowballing, getting out of control, more and more are affected every day. There are tests being done on the source, but no one knows how to reverse it.

    No, it’s not reality – it’s Invasion of the Body Snatchers!

    The 1978 film directed by Philip Kaufman is a remake of the 1956 film, based on the book The Body Snatchers by Jack Finney. It stars Brooke Adams as health department lab scientist Elizabeth, who along with her colleague Matthew (Donald Sutherland) notice more and more oddities around town, including several people unnerved by their partners’ sudden change in demeanor. Couple Jack and Nancy (Jeff Goldblum and Veronica Cartwright) discover even more strangeness, and the four try to understand what exactly has invaded San Francisco.

    “What are you talking about, a space flower?” Yes, a space flower! Indeed it seems pink flowers from outer space are stealing DNA and creating replicants out of pods. How do they escape the pod people, and how do they stop them?

    If you think Invasion of the Body Snatchers is hitting a little too close to home…I agree. At the beginning of the month, I picked it as an exciting, somewhat campy movie with some real substance, a masterfully done film noir feel, and some extremely creepy visuals. But as we so often find, horror movies become a way to process our reality. I would actually recommend this one for our current times, if you feel like the more on the nose outbreak movies are too close for comfort – and a lot of us have plenty of time to watch movies these days.

    The accompanying recipe is a salad made of pods (yes, even during the apocalypse I’m going to be corny, sorry) – edamame and sugar snap peas to be exact. And as it turns out, this is a fantastic quarantine meal. It’s full of protein, calcium, iron, folate, vitamin A, and vitamin C to keep your strength up. Plus it can be made with frozen ingredients! Make it today or stock up when you are able to for later.

    The dressing is a delicious peppery sesame vinaigrette, conveniently made from pantry ingredients, that was meant to compliment the flowers I wanted to include. Nasturtiums are bright, edible flowers with a peppery flavor. They are easy to grow if you are planning to start homesteading. However, I am not currently growing any and because I am responsibly socially distancing like I am supposed to and not out searching for somewhat harder to find ingredients, I used azaleas from my yard. Azaleas are NOT edible, only a garnish, but they do resemble the lovely pink space flowers.

    POD SALAD: EDAMAME AND SUGAR SNAP PEA SALAD WITH PEPPERY SESAME DRESSING

    For the salad:
    2 cups edamame, or one 14 ounce frozen bag
    1 pound sugar snap peas or one 12 ounce frozen bag
    (these amounts do not need to be exact, we are making do nowadays so use what you have)

    For the dressing:
    1/3 cup rice vinegar
    3 tablespoons toasted sesame oil
    3 tablespoons soy sauce
    3 teaspoons honey
    Squirt of sriracha optional if you are not quarantined with loud and spice-averse children
    Generous amount of fresh cracked pepper

    For the garnish:
    1 tablespoon toasted sesame seeds
    Pink flowers optional, ideally nasturtiums. Again, if the flowers are not edible, don’t eat them, we don’t want a poison situation on top of all this

    Blanch the edamame and sugar snap peas according to package directions. If you are using fresh, use a large pot of well-salted water and blanch edamame for 5 minutes, throwing the sugar snap peas to blanch for the last minute and a half. Drain and submerge in an ice bath to stop the cooking process and lock in the bright green color. Drain again thoroughly and dry well with a dishtowel.

    Meanwhile, in a large bowl, whisk together rice vinegar, sesame oil, soy sauce, honey, optional sriracha and pepper. When the edamame and sugar snap peas have dried and cooled, toss with the dressing. Serve room temperature sprinkled with toasted sesame seeds and pink flowers arranged on top.

    First published on Nightmare on Film Street.

  • Once, Twice, Thrice Baked Garlic and Lemon Potatoes

    Once, Twice, Thrice Baked Garlic and Lemon Potatoes

    Timecrimes is a twisty, turny, time-traveling thriller written and directed by Nacho Vigalondo (who also costars in the film as the young scientist). The Spanish film stars Karra Elejalde as Hector, a loving yet somewhat bumbling husband who becomes entangled in a time loop. As time progresses, and then repeats, he desperately tries to both force the outcome and evade mounting misfortune.

    Often time travel films are both intriguing yet infuriating in that they leave questions, paradoxes and holes, yet this one manages to keep the story focused and neat. It’s satisfying both as a narrative that conscientiously wraps up all its loose ends, but also as a character study of how Hector evolves as a person, paradoxically (it’s time travel, of course) in the matter of a few hours. And a few hours. And a few hours.

    A note, whilst cooking I realized that this recipe itself has some light spoilers…though not overt, eat at your own risk!

    When thinking up a recipe, I started philosophizing about my oven as a time machine. Materials go in, and emerge transformed. Playing with the input and settings can change the outcome. Countless weeknights I have thrown in veggies to roast, how many times, one or a hundred, time is a flat circle, it’s all the same. And oh how I wish I could go back in time when I forget things a little too long (Who among us has not burnt things to a crisp? Who?). This recipe puts raw materials into the machine three times, and they emerge the same, yet changed – and delicious!

    Twice-baked potatoes are the standard, but please consider thrice baked potatoes. The extra step yields extra crispy potato skins beyond what you can achieve through two trips through the time machine, and they perfectly complement the texture of the rich, creamy filling. As for the filling, I always love to incorporate local flavor to reference a film, and this one is no different. It’s a Spanish profile, flavored with lemon, parsley, and a full head of luscious roasted garlic. Though Spain has no shortage of iconic potato dishes (patatas bravas, Spanish tortilla, and world-famous roasted potatoes), this is a fun spin.

    Additionally the garnishes add some time traveling flair. Potato 1 is unadulterated. Potato 2 is draped in roasted carrot bandages. And Potato 3, sprinkled with smoked paprika, looks a little worse for the wear but is probably the best of all.

    Garlic and Lemon Thrice Baked Potatoes

    • 3 large russet potatoes
    • 1 large carrot
    • 1 head garlic
    • 1 shallot
    • olive oil
    • sea salt
    • large handful Italian parsley, finely chopped
    • zest of 1 lemon
    • 5 tablespoons sour cream
    • smoked paprika

    Roast the potatoes by your desired method – since you are going to crisp up the skin, either oven or microwave is fine. Cool and set aside.

    Meanwhile, heat the oven to 400°;. Thinly slice the carrot into long strips with a mandolin. Toss with olive oil and a sprinkle of sea salt and arrange on a parchment lined baking sheet in a single layer. Cut the top third off the head of garlic, drizzle with olive oil, and wrap in aluminum foil. Cut the shallot into chunks, toss with olive oil and sea salt, and place in a small oven safe dish (I used a pie plate).

    Put all vegetables in the oven and bake until golden (stir the shallot occasionally). The carrots will be done first (15 minutes or so), the shallot next (20-25 minutes), and the garlic last (45 minutes or so). Set the carrot aside, finely chop the shallot, and when the garlic is cool enough to handle, squeeze it out of the papers. Cut the roasted potatoes in half lengthwise and scoop the insides into a large bowl. Arrange the skins skin-side up on a baking rack on a baking sheet, brush with olive oil, and sprinkle with sea salt. Return to the 400°; oven and cook until golden.

    While the skins are cooking, mash the potato with shallot, garlic, parsley, lemon zest, sour cream and salt to taste. Mix well, but don’t overmix. Take the skins out of the oven, flip, and fill them evenly with filling. Return to the oven and bake until golden brown. Leave two of the potatoes plain, drape two of the potatoes with roasted carrot strips, and garnish the remaining two with smoked paprika.

    First published on Nightmare on Film Street.

  • Mystery Pot Pies

    Mystery Pot Pies

    Knives Out, directed by Rian Johnson, is out this Thanksgiving weekend and promises to be a rollicking and hilarious murder mystery. Inspired by the likes of Clue, Gosford Park, and Agatha Christie mysteries, it stars, well, everyone – a brilliant ensemble cast led by Daniel Craig as Detective Benoit Blanc. Although it has a distinctly modern twist, it leans on many of the usual murder mystery tropes, with an eccentric family gathered to a remote mansion by its patriarch. He dies right away of course, and everyone’s a suspect.

    When brainstorming recipes, I thought about the large, wealthy New England family which led me to all the WASPy classics. WASP food has a reputation for being bland and boring, but done well it can be comforting and delicious, and just the thing to calm familial dysfunction. Think pot pie, French onion soup, and especially as the movie is filmed in Boston, seafoods like lobster rolls, clam chowder, and crab cakes. I ended up with a mishmash of these classic dishes, with twin versions of pot pies in darling ramekins, topped by puff pastry.

    Although there are two distinct versions, this is a single recipe as single weird and winding as the film.

    Mystery Pot Pies (French Onion Pot Pie and Crab Chowder Pot Pie)

    For the roux

    • 2 tablespoons butter
    • 4 tablespoons flour

    In a small saucepan over medium low heat, stir together butter and flour. Stir until it is a light golden color, remove from heat, and reserve.

    For the French Onion Pot Pie

    • 1 1/2 tablespoons olive oil
    • 1 large yellow onion, quartered and thinly sliced
    • 3 sprigs thyme (leaves removed and roughly chopped)
    • Few cracks fresh black pepper
    • 1 teaspoon marmite (optional but recommended, adds umami flavor)
    • salt to taste (but I didn’t need to add any as the marmite is very salty)

    In a pan on medium low, heat olive oil and cook onion, stirring often, until very golden brown (I will not lie to you like so many recipes, this takes a long time so be patient). Stir in thyme, black pepper, and marmite.

    For the Crab Chowder Pot Pie

    • 1 1/2 tablespoons olive oil
    • 1 shallot, minced
    • 1 rib celery, diced
    • 1 medium carrot, diced
    • 1 medium small potato, diced
    • 8 ounces crab meat, cooked
    • 1 teaspoon Old Bay seasoning
    • zest of 1 lemon

    In a separate pan, heat olive oil, and sauce shallot until translucent. Stir in celery, carrot, potato, crab meat, Old Bay and lemon zest.

    To finish both

    • 3 cups vegetable broth
    • 2 tablespoons sherry
    • Handful croutons
    • 1/4 cup gruyere
    • 1 sheet puff pastry, thawed
    • 1 egg white, beaten with a tablespoon of water

    Heat oven to 375. Add 1 1/2 cups vegetable broth and half of the roux to each pan, and simmer each until each mixture is very thick. Divide the onion mixture between two ramekins, and the crab mixture between two more. To the onion ramekins, top with croutons and a sprinkle of gruyere. Roll out the puff pastry and cut circles the size of the ramekins. Top each, brush with egg white, cut a couple vents for each, and bake for 15-20 minutes, until golden brown.

    Fresh out of the oven they look almost the same – but I’m sure a good detective can figure out which is which!

  • Universal Classic Monsters Menu

    Universal Classic Monsters Menu

    The monster movies made by Universal Pictures in the 1920s through the 1950s are the backbone of American horror cinema. The films introduced audiences to iconic monsters, spun a thrilling shared universe, and inspired countless sequels and remakes. To celebrate these films we’re taking a trip through the decades and putting together a charmingly retro menu inspired by three classic monsters. 

    First up is a cocktail inspired by 1931’s Dracula, starring Bela Lugosi in one of his most famous roles. It’s a play on the champagne cocktail French 75, with a Transylvanian twist. The original drink was created in the 1910s but remained popular throughout the prohibition era when Dracula was filmed. To give it that Romanian touch, it features a fruity simple syrup. Romanian liquors are often made with fermented fruits, such as Țuică, the traditional liquor made of fermented plums. While this drink would be lovely with a plum simple syrup, plums aren’t in season so I made this with frozen dark cherries. The color is beautiful – of course a Dracula drink must be tinted bloody red – and the flavor light and sparkly. 

    Transylvanian 75

    For the simple syrup

    • 1 cup sugar
    • 1 cup dark cherries (fresh or frozen)
    • 1 cup water

    Bring all ingredients to a boil, and remove from heat. Let stand 20 minutes, mash, strain, and cool.

    For the cocktail

    • 1.5 ounces vodka
    • 2 tablespoons cherry simple syrup
    • 4 ounces champagne

    Combine in a pretty glass and garnish with lemon. 

    Dinner is a Monster Surf and Turf. The red meat portion is aptly inspired by The Wolf Man, the 1941 film starring Lon Chaney Jr., as well as 1944’s House of Frankenstein in which the wolf man is killed with a silver bullet. It’s a nicely pan seared steak, served with lemony compound butter silver bullets. The seafood portion is a swampy shrimp in green sauce inspired by Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954). Centuries of passion – for shrimp! – pent up in his savage heart!

    Wolf Man Steaks with Silver Bullet Lemon Butter

    For the steaks

    • 2 fillets (or cut of your choice)
    • coarse salt
    • 2-3 tablespoons butter

    I’m not here to take you to steak cooking school, but I’ve had good luck on the stovetop in a screaming hot cast iron pan and this technique from The Kitchn. 

    For the silver bullet lemon butter

    • 5 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened to room temperature
    • zest of one lemon
    • 1 tablespoon lemon juice
    • generous pinch coarse salt
    • edible silver pearl dust (you can find this in the baking section of craft stores)
    • vodka or lemon extract for painting

    Mix butter, lemon zest, lemon juice, and salt thoroughly. Refrigerate to firm it up a bit, then using a melon baller, measure out 5 balls. Gently roll them with your hands to round. Return to the refrigerator until cold.

    To paint: mix the pearl dust with a tiny bit of vodka or lemon extract to make a paint. Use a clean paintbrush to paint each of the balls. Allow to dry, and serve with steak or use it on bread. 

    Creature from the Black Lagoon Shrimp with Green Sauce

    • 3 cloves garlic
    • 1/4 cup olive oil
    • 10 chives
    • 1 handful parsley
    • 1/4 cup vegetable stock
    • 1 pound shrimp, peeled and deveined
    • lemon to finish

    Heat oven to 500. In a food processor, combine garlic, olive oil, chives, parsley and vegetable stock. In a roasting dish, toss shrimp with the sauce and spread in an even layer. Roast for 7-8 minutes, stirring halfway through, until shrimp is pink. Finish with a squirt of lemon juice.

    Serve this classic meal with crusty bread for sopping, and a nice green salad. If you are noting that there’s no dessert…well there is! It’s inspired by 1933’s The Invisible Man. It’s invisible.

    Let us know who what you’re having for dinner this Halloween season on Twitter, Reddit, and in the Horror Movie Fiend Club on Facebook. Bon Appetite!

  • Northwoods Nachos with Badger Sauce

    Northwoods Nachos with Badger Sauce

    Jennifer’s Body may have flopped when it came out in 2009, but 10 years later it is finally getting the respect it deserves. Diablo Cody’s script is sharp and snappy, and Karyn Kusama’s direction is slick. Regardless of what you thought you knew about Megan Fox, she is brilliant as man-eating cheerleader Jennifer. It’s a biting (literally) rape revenge film, that also reflects on society’s questionable reactions to tragedy, and the painful dynamic of female friendships. But it’s also wildly campy and entertaining, ripping through all the typical high school tropes. 

    Food is used throughout the movie to highlight place – Devil’s Kettle, Minnesota, how apt – and theme. Sweet small-town girl Needy (Amanda Seyfried) makes fried bologna sandwiches and offers them to her ferret. Her boyfriend is excited to take her to the Cheesecake Factory before the school dance. The layered red, white and blue Twin Towers shooters Jennifer procures from the bar look as tasty as they are absolutely tasteless. And then, of course, there is the rotisserie chicken that Needy’s mom bought from Boston Market that Jennifer rips into like an animal the night she comes back changed. 

    Another food mention comes as Needy is begging Jennifer to come home with her and not leave with the band in their creepy white van. The “Northwoods Nachos with Extra Badger Sauce” she tries to tempt her with sound great, but unfortunately were not enough to snap Jennifer out of her trance. They do, however, perfectly encapsulate the quirk of the film and the Midwest setting of Devil’s Kettle, so that’s what we’re making for our recipe!

    These Northwoods Nachos take a cue from a classic Midwestern comfort food. “Hotdish” is a casserole, often cheesy, and always topped with crispy tater tots, so we are using tater tots as our base. This makes these nachos, or should I say totchos, charmingly trashy. They are topped with spicy, saucy black beans (bonus movie tie in if you mix in some shredded rotisserie chicken; I served it on the side to keep these vegetarian). 

    For the Badger Sauce I made a beer cheese sauce appropriate for the area. I used Alton Brown’s recipe for rarebit, and stirred in a can of diced green chilis to make a spicy Minnesota queso. Drizzle some on top, and there’s plenty extra for dipping. 

    Northwoods Nachos with Badger Sauce

    For the Northwoods Nachos 

    • 1 pound frozen tater tots
    • 2 tablespoons olive oil
    • 1 onion, chopped
    • 2 garlic cloves, chopped
    • 1/2 teaspoon cumin
    • 1/2 teaspoon coriander
    • 1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
    • 1/2 teaspoon cayenne
    • 1 14.5 ounce can fire-roasted tomatoes
    • 1 15 ounce can black beans, rinsed 
    • 1 1/2 cups shredded rotisserie chicken (optional)
    • Badger Sauce (see below)
    • Optional garnishes: green onions, pico de gallo, salsa, sour cream

    Cook the tater tots according to package directions in a large casserole dish. Keep warm.

    Heat olive oil on medium-high and fry onion until golden. Stir in garlic and fry another minute or so, then add cumin, coriander, smoked paprika, and cayenne and cook, stirring, until fragrant. Stir in tomatoes and cook, stirring often, until they are well broken down and starting to caramelize. Add black beans (and shredded chicken if using), and a cup of water. Mix well, and cook, stirring occasionally, for 20 minutes or so until thick, adding more water if necessary. 

    Spoon on top of tater tots, drizzle with Badger Sauce, and garnish.

    For the Badger Sauce

    • 1 tablespoon unsalted butter
    • 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
    • 1 teaspoon dijon mustard
    • 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
    • Pinch coarse salt and some fresh cracked pepper
    • 1/4 cup beer (the darker the better)
    • 1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons heavy cream
    • 1 cup shredded cheddar 
    • 1 4.5 ounce can diced green chilis

    On low heat in a saucepan, heat butter and flour, whisking continuously for several minutes (do not let it brown). Add in dijon, Worcestershire sauce, salt and pepper and stir until combined. Stir in beer and heavy cream, then add cheddar. Cook, whisking constantly until cheese is melted and mixture is thick, about 5-7 minutes. Add a little cream to loosen it if necessary, and stir in diced green chilis. Drizzle over Northwoods Nachos and serve extra on the side. 

    First published on Nightmare on Film Street.

  • Annie Wilkes’s MISERY Meatloaf

    Annie Wilkes’s MISERY Meatloaf

    Annie Wilkes may be one of the most deceptively terrifying characters in fiction, flipping from attentive nurse to unhinged fanatic in a sublime performance by Kathy Bates in the 1990 adaptation of Stephen King’s Misery. She’s a fearsome villain, but also complex, with many good qualities. She’s tenacious, lively, a voracious reader, skilled in medicine, critical of profanity, kind to animals, and to top it off it turns out she can cook!

    Her home-cooked meatloaf is unique and lovingly prepared. You can’t find something like that in a restaurant in New York! And she’s not stingy with her secrets either. When asked, she offers “My secret is I always use fresh tomatoes, never canned, and to give it that extra zip I mix a little Spam with the ground beef!” 

    Now who knows how Annie Wilkes is procuring fresh tomatoes in snowbound Colorado, but in between all her stalking and hobbling, she gets it done. One trick I’ve learned for better year-round tomatoes, is to use romas (which have a longer season than other varieties) and to slow roast them. Somehow roasting makes even subpar tomatoes scrumptious. If you are as energetic as farmer Annie, you can roast summer tomatoes, then freeze and store them for 6 months, for even better fresh-tomato meatloaf year-round. In this recipe, since you’re already roasting your tomatoes, you can do your onions and garlic at the same time, so they all get that roasted caramelized sweetness before being added to the final product. 

    I have a not so secret love for the much-maligned Spam. In dishes like Korean kimchi jjigae and Hawaiian Spam musubi it’s delicious, and I applaud Annie for sneaking it into her meatloaf. The trick here is to crumble and pan fry it first. You’ll get maximum extra zip, and render out some of the fat that can make meatloaf gross and soggy. In fact, use the leanest ground beef you can find for this same reason. 

    For the rest, I kept the method and seasonings classic and simple. After all, Annie Wilkes is a simple girl, who knows that a simple home-cooked meal is how you can really show someone you’re their number one fan!

    Annie Wilkes’s MISERY Meatloaf

    • For the Loaf
    • 4-5 roma tomatoes, sliced vertically and seeds removed
    • 1 onion, halved and sliced
    • olive oil
    • salt and pepper
    • 6 ounces Spam (half a can), crumbled with a fork
    • 1 pound lean ground beef
    • 3/4 cup bread crumbs
    • 1/4 cup milk
    • 1 egg, beaten
    • 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
    • 1/2 teaspoon salt
    • 1 teaspoon dried parsley
    • 1 teaspoon garlic power
    • few cracks ground black pepper

    For the Glaze, whisk together:

    • 1/4 cup ketchup
    • 2 tablespoons light brown sugar
    • 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
    1. Heat oven to 400. On separate parchment-lined baking pans, spread tomatoes and onions in a single layer, toss with olive oil and sprinkle with salt. Roast until well cooked with a few brown and crispy parts, 25-30 minutes (onions will likely be done first). When they are cool enough to handle, chop them up.
    2. On medium-high, cook Spam in a dry pan until brown, remove to a paper towel-lined plate.
      Lower oven heat to 350.
    3. Add roasted tomatoes and onions, Spam, ground beef, bread crumbs, milk, egg, Worcestershire sauce, salt, parsley, garlic powder and pepper to a large bowl, and mix well. Press mixture into a parchment-lined 9×5 loaf pan. Spoon glaze over the top and spread.
    4. Bake for 55 minutes to an hour. Pull the loaf out with the parchment and let cool on a board 10-15 minutes before slicing.

    First published on Nightmare on Film Street.

  • Swedish Smorgasbord

    Swedish Smorgasbord

    Midsommar, director Ari Aster’s sophomore film, is a sun-washed nightmare. Dani (with a beautiful and raw performance by Florence Pugh), travels with her boyfriend and friends to an idyllic village in Sweden for their midsummer festival. What follows is a smorgasbord of pagan ritual, grief and repressed emotion topped with a flower crown.

    I was delighted with the multiple food scenes, starting with a trippy mushroom tea that as you can imagine flavors the experience. Later, the women of the village prepare meat pies with some…let’s say special ingredients. A giant flopping herring is offered to Dani the newly crowned May Queen as part of a village ritual. In fact, all the dining scenes are themselves a ritual, with traditions and spells and an eerie cascade of cutlery.

    To celebrate Midsommar, I put together a typical Swedish smorgasbord, with fish, including pickled herring of course, and pastry-wrapped sausage rolls inspired by the meat pies. There are pickled onions and cucumbers, and dilled mustard sauce that goes well with both the fish and the sausage rolls.

    For the sausage rolls
    1 pound sausage (I used Tofurkey kielbasa because we have vegetarians in our house, but this is pretty basic so any will do)
    2 sheets (1 package) puff pastry, thawed
    1 egg

    Heat oven to 400. Pan fry the sausage until done. Cut each puff pastry sheet in half and wrap a sausage in each, sealing with water and placing on a baking sheet seam side down. Beat egg with a tablespoon water and brush over the rolls. Bake for 20 minutes, cool slightly and slice.

    For the mustard sauce
    1/4 cup dijon mustard
    2 teaspoons salt
    2 tablespoons sugar
    2 tablespoons chopped dill
    2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
    2 tablespoon oil

    Whisk together.

    For the pickles
    1 cup apple cider vinegar
    1 tablespoon salt
    1 tablespoon sugar
    1 small red onion, thinly sliced
    1 small cucumber, thinly sliced

    Whisk together apple cider vinegar, salt and sugar. In separate bowls, pour half over onion and half over cucumber. Toss well and let sit at least an hour, ideally overnight in the fridge.

    To serve
    smoked salmon
    pickled herring
    capers
    cream cheese
    sliced pumpernickel

    Arrange on a board and enjoy a festive snacky meal with friends, family, or your favorite pagan cult.

    First published on Nightmare on Film Street.

  • Crypt Keeper Crunch

    The wacky horror anthology Tales from the Crypt premiered on HBO on June 10, 1989 and entertained audiences with its tawdry tales until 1996. Based on the EC comic from the 1950s, it teeters between humor and horror, often with a morbid twist. I have semi-fond memories of being a little teenage babysitter watching alone in the dark after the kids went to bed…and letting it thoroughly crack me up and creep me out!

    Each episode begins with a journey through the Crypt Keeper’s haunted mansion, winding through hallways down to the catacombs. Here we meet the cackling corpse himself popping out of a coffin. The Crypt Keeper’s pun-filled quips are the framework for each scary tale.

    If you’re a Tales from the Crypt fan, then you know it’s a specHACKular popcorn-munching program, so popcorn is the base of this freaky fun recipe. Peanutty caramel corn is both Halloweeny and carnival food (as there are several carnival episodes). This particular one’s a little SALTY too, like the wisecracking Crypt Keeper – and the MORGUE the merrier! It’s studded with darling little pretzel bones.

    Crypt Keeper Crunch

    For the popcorn
    1 bag minimally flavored popcorn (the least salt and butter you can find)
    ½ cup roasted peanuts
    ½ cup honey
    ¼ cup sugar
    1 teaspoon salt
    ½ cup peanut butter

    Prepare a cookie sheet lined with parchment. Pop the popcorn and pour into a large bowl, being careful to not transfer any unpopped kernels. Sprinkle with peanuts.

    In a small saucepan, heat honey, sugar and salt until sugar is completely melted and mixture is foamy and just begins to darken in color. Remove from heat and stir in the peanut butter, stirring until smooth. Pour over popcorn and toss lightly to coat. Spread over parchment and cool.

    For the pretzel bones
    20 pretzel sticks
    80 mini marshmallows
    6 ounces white chocolate chips

    Prepare a cookie sheet lined with parchment. Gently slice each pretzel stick in two, and stick mini marshmallows on the ends. In a bowl, microwave white chocolate chips at 30-second intervals, stirring in between, until melted, about 1 minute and a half.

    Dip each “bone” into the white chocolate, turning with forks, shaking off the excess, and placing on the parchment. If the white chocolate becomes too hard, zap and stir and continue. Place bones in the fridge for 10 minutes to solidify.

    Break up the peanutty caramel corn into a large bowl and gently toss with the bones. SCAREf them up for your next FRIGHTfest!

    Until the next time, boils and ghouls, pleasant screams.

    First published on Nightmare on Film Street.

  • Three Course Witchy Menu

    Three Course Witchy Menu

    Put on your aprons and fire up your cauldrons, because this month’s edition of Witchy Kitchen is going full witch with an enchanting three-course menu, so mote it be.

    For our first course, we are drawing inspiration from 2015’s The Witch, which has already become a modern classic. Written and directed by Robert Eggers and featuring a lovely and innocent performance from Anya Taylor-Joy as Thomasin, the film is meticulously authentic to colonial times so a colonial-inspired dish seemed apt. These biscuits are rustic, with apples that feature prominently in the film. Bonus, if you want to get extra witchy they double as altar cakes. Would you like the taste of butter? Would you like to live deliciously? Then whip up the accompanying goat cheese butter to serve.

    The Witch Apple Cheddar Biscuits with Goat Cheese Butter

    For the biscuits
    5 tablespoons butter, divided (freeze and grate 4 tablespoons, reserve 1 for cooking)
    1 1/2 cups flour
    1 1/2 tablespoons sugar
    2 teaspoons baking powder
    1/2 teaspoon salt
    1/4 teaspoon black pepper
    4 ounces sharp cheddar cheese, grated
    1/2 a large Granny Smith apple, grated
    2 tablespoons chopped chives
    1/2 cup milk
    1 egg, beaten

    Heat oven to 400º. Meanwhile heat 1 tablespoon butter in a cast-iron skillet on medium heat, swirling to coat. In a large bowl combine flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, pepper, cheddar cheese, apple, chives, and butter. Combine milk and egg and add to the flour mixture, stirring until just combined (don’t overmix). In the skillet, drop 8 even sized dollops of the mixture, forming them into rounds and pushing down slightly to biscuit shapes. Cook on the stovetop for 5 minutes, then transfer to the oven for 18-20 minutes to cook until golden.

    For the goat cheese butter
    4 ounces goat cheese, room temperature
    4 ounces butter, room temperature
    2 tablespoons honey
    pinch salt

    Whip together and serve with biscuits.

    Our main course is inspired by the 1960 gothic horror directed by Mario Bava, Black Sunday. It takes place in Romania, which may very well be the witchiest place on earth. Barbara Steele plays both the doomed witch Princess Asa as well as her descendent Katia, who the witch comes back to drain of her youth and beauty in hopes of immortality. This is a Romanian dish called ciorba de perisoare, a meatball soup that is as sour as revenge. It’s also full of herbs perfect for youth and beauty spells, reciting incantations as you sprinkle them in is encouraged.

    Black Sunday Romanian Sour Soup

    For the meatballs
    8 ounces ground chicken
    3/4 teaspoon salt
    few grinds black pepper
    1/2 an onion, grated
    1/4 cup cooked rice
    1 egg
    1/2 cup breadcrumbs

    Thoroughly combine all ingredients and shape into 1-inch meatballs. Reserve in the fridge until time to cook.

    For the soup
    3 tablespoons olive oil
    1/2 an onion, finely chopped
    1 red pepper, finely chopped
    2 ribs celery, finely chopped
    2 carrots, finely chopped
    3 tablespoons tomato paste
    1 tablespoon paprika
    6 cups chicken broth
    2 tablespoons parsley, chopped
    2 tablespoons lovage, chopped (optional if you have trouble finding it)
    2 tablespoons lemon juice

    In a large pot heat olive oil on medium heat and cook onion, red pepper, celery, and carrots, stirring often, until onion is very soft and translucent. Stir in tomato paste and paprika and cook, stirring, until tomato paste is starting to caramelize. Add chicken broth and bring to a boil. Drop in the prepared meatballs, lower heat, and simmer for 15-20 minutes until cooked through. Add parsley, lovage, and lemon juice and cook 5 minutes more. Serve hot.

    The 90s were a wicked time for witch movies, so dessert is inspired by 1998’s Practical Magic. Directed by Giffin Dunne and starring Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman as witchy sisters, there is a fabulous scene featuring midnight margaritas. The batty aunties conjure up a batch, and a delightful dance-around-the-kitchen party gradually descends into an entranced madness. These flourless chocolate cupcakes (adapted from a recipe from Smitten Kitchen) are kissed with lime and as dark as midnight, and the lovely floaty margarita cream is hypnotic, the perfect end to a bewitching meal.

    For the margarita whipped cream
    1/4 cup powdered sugar
    1 teaspoon lime zest
    2 teaspoons tequila
    2 teaspoons cointreau
    1/2 cup heavy cream

    Stir together sugar, lime zest, tequila and cointreau. Add heavy cream and whip to a soft but firm consistency. Dollop onto cupcakes.

    Set your table, light your candles, and enjoy a witchy meal.

    First published on Nightmare on Film Street.